We all have people in our lives who misunderstand us, judge us, criticize us, or even attack us.
Sometimes there’s truth in their words. There may be something in their criticism that God can use to help us grow.
But other times, what people say about us is shaped by their false egos and wounds. Their version of us becomes a caricature rather than the whole truth.
The difficult part is knowing the difference.
I recognize I’ve made mistakes and still have places where I need God’s grace to transform me. I want to remain humble and teachable.
But I also recognize how easily I can carry other people’s judgments around in the back of my brain.
Holding Court in Our Heads
It’s almost as if I become a courtroom lawyer inside my own head.
Were they right?
Was I wrong?
What’s mine to own?
What belongs to them?
And the trial can go on far too long.
It becomes especially difficult when someone won’t sit down and have an honest conversation. When there’s no opportunity to discuss the situation and learn what the issue really is, we can be left carrying the rocks hurled at us.
So what do we do?
Bring It Into the Quiet
First, we stop holding court against ourselves.
Instead, we bring the relationship into the quiet with God.
We sit honestly with God and ask:
God, what’s mine to own?
What are You inviting me to learn?
What can Your grace transform in me?
And what am I carrying that was never mine to carry?
Then we listen.
We don’t have to figure it all out. We don’t have to keep replaying the argument or building our case.
We simply create enough quiet for God to help us see more clearly.
Let the Truth Set You Free
Jesus tells us, “. . . [T]he truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
Maybe that’s the deeper invitation here.
Freedom doesn’t come from winning the courtroom battle in our heads. It doesn’t come from proving we were right and someone else was wrong.
Freedom comes from allowing God to lead us into Truth.
The truth about what’s ours to own.
The truth about what needs to change.
The truth about what we need to release.
And the deeper truth about who we are in God.
We trust that grace can show us what needs healing without shaming us.
And when we’ve listened honestly, there comes a point when we need to stop retrying the case and return to one simple truth:
God alone defines me.
Other people’s judgments may have information worth bringing to prayer. But they don’t get to define our identity.
Their accusations don’t define us.
Their misunderstandings don’t define us.
Even our failures don’t have the final word about who we are.
God does.
God knows everything about us—the beautiful and broken places, our victories and failures, our light and shadow. And knowing all of it, God still calls us beloved. God still delights in us.
There’s tremendous freedom in that.
We can remain teachable without allowing every criticism to become condemnation.
We can acknowledge our mistakes without turning them into our identity.
We can receive what’s ours to learn and release what’s not ours to carry.
And we can trust God’s grace will continue to transform us.
We don’t have to deny our mistakes to know we are loved. And we don’t have to accept someone else’s version of us to remain humble.
Maybe inner freedom sounds like this prayer:
God, You alone define me.
I receive what’s mine to learn.
I release what’s not mine to carry.
Lead me into the truth that sets me free.
I trust Your grace to transform me.
And I rest in Your love.
A Spiritual Tool for Your Toolbox
When old criticisms or judgments circle in your mind, try this simple practice.
Place your hand gently on the top of your head.
Take a slow breath.
Imagine God’s grace-like light gently showering over you and through you.
Then slowly say:
God alone defines me.
Pause.
Let the words move beneath the noise of your thoughts.
Then offer a prayer such as this:
God, lead me into the truth that sets me free.
Let Your grace show me what’s mine to receive.
Transform whatever within me needs to grow.
Help me release what isn’t true and what isn’t mine to carry.
Free me from the judgments of others and from the judgments I place on myself.
Let Your Voice of Love become deeper than every other voice.
God alone defines me.
Remain there for a few moments.
No arguing.
No courtroom.
No need to decide who was right or wrong.
Allow grace to sift what’s true from what isn’t.
Receive what’s yours.
Release the rest.
And return to the freedom of this simple truth:
God alone defines me.
—brian plachta
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Want to Go Deeper?
In Divine Flow: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Contemplation for Everyday Life, I describe God’s grace as something like slipping into a warm lake and feeling the water surround and hold you—until your mind, body, and heart begin to rest in a deeper sense of awe and peace. That’s what Divine Flow is about: learning to recognize, receive, and live more fully in the flow of God’s amazing grace. If you’d like to go deeper, I invite you to purchase a copy of Divine Flow and let God’s amazing grace wash over you.
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If you’re seeking a gentler start to your mornings—one you can carry with you into your day to find more inner peace—I invite you to join divineFlow Daily, a free short reflection and quote sent to your inbox each day. In under a minute, it’s meant to help you slow down, breathe, and remember what truly gives life before the noise sets in.
Sign up for divineFlow Daily here.
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