Ondrasik’s words touch a universal truth: It’s hard to figure out who we are—who we really are.

Because our egos have made up a fictional character we think is our personality, we struggle trying to find the “better part” of ourselves. An underground stream of inner angst bubbles through our psyche most days.

When we were conceived, God placed a pearl of immense value—our souls—within our hearts.

Our soul is the sacred essence of our being, more precious and essential than the finest pearl. Jesus alludes to this in Matthew 13:45-46—a parable about the merchant who sacrifices everything to find the most exquisite of all pearls.

In addition to our souls, God gave us the gift of our minds. At birth, our minds were a tabula rasa—a blank slate—according to philosopher John Locke.

As we journey through life, our experiences, perceptions, and interactions gradually shape our understanding of ourselves. Our soul’s divine essence remains untainted.

However, like the white core of onion that becomes covered with dark skins over time, we develop protective layers of false thought patterns that obscure our souls and distort the perception of who we think we are.

These thin skins give rise to the false ego, a fictional persona we mistake as our true identity. We construct and reconstruct this illusory personality over time through repeated thought patterns and fear-based behavior.

Thomas Merton calls it the “True Self.”

Merton, a Trappist monk, theologian, writer, and mystic, says the True Self is the deepest essence of an individual, the core of our being that’s in harmony with God and the universe.

Cameron Kirdzik, the founder of Awakenpedia, a global spiritual awakening and holistic health community, calls our better part the Higher Self—the Self with a capital “S.”  

Kirdzik writes, “Self is one of the many names used to describe the Higher-Level Beingness that you realize you Essentially are, which is the Essence of ‘Self-Realization,’ while ‘self’ is a reference to your lower-level humanness. It is your small self [the mind-made self] that points to all that you think you are in this world, all that you have, and all that you do–your body, your mind, your job, your house, your car, your relationships, your habits, your assets, your possessions, etc.

“Self refers to the permanent, Absolute You, while self refers to the temporary, relative you. There could be no self without Self. And to Believe that you are fundamentally self rather than to Know that you are Self is the primary causation of all Suffering human beings experience.”

Through daily quiet time and reading, I hear God inviting me to let go of my mind-made egoic self—the one I’ve created through the onion skin layers of who I think I am or I’m supposed to be.

I hear God nudging me to remember who I Am—who I really am.

As I open my heart to let God show me the false layers of personality I’ve created over the years, the Creator’s been helping me identify the illusions I’ve conjured up about myself.

The problem is my ego doesn’t want to let go of my false self.

 Like an abused child who clings to the arms of an abusive parent when a police officer comes to remove the child from its violent home, I cling to my ego. My false self wrestles with my True Self, trying to defend the imposter that lives within me.

But why? Why do I cling to my false self?

 I refuse to let go of my false self because it’s familiar. My ego is strong. It doesn’t want to give up.

The neurons in my brain have created pathways of misperceptions that are difficult to override with new thoughts and new truths.

I know God loves me, but my ego continues to tell me I’m a bad person. This false belief won’t let go of me. It has worked all these years, kicking me in my I’m-no-good rear to work harder, achieve more, so maybe I can eventually convince myself that I am a good person.

Maybe God will love me if I accomplish enough good in the world.

I know I can’t fix other people, but I continue to be a people-fixer hoping others will love and applaud me so I can take a bow at the altar of self-worship.

1. Identify each layer of our mind-made self that needs to be peeled back.

2. Ask the Creator for the grace, the Divine Help, we need to let go of our false self and seek wholeness.

3. In addition to Williamson’s recommendations, I would suggest incorporating another step: replacing our false thoughts with a truth-filled mantra.

Scientists tell us that the repetition of our thoughts creates neuron pathways that shape the way we think, learn, and perceive ourselves and the world.

These neural pathways can be overridden and replaced by new thought patterns that reshape our understanding and behaviors. Therefore, claiming and repeating true statements about who we are can replace our false selves with an understanding of our True Self.

Facing My False Self

As I apply the steps outlined above to my life, I focus on addressing my top ego-clingers:

I am bad.

The first false belief I confront is that I am a bad person.

Through silent conversation with the divine and spiritual reflection, I ask God to grace me with the understanding, deep within my heart, body, and soul, that I am who God intended me to be—I am love.

To counter my false self’s misconception, I repeat the following mantra: “I am as God created me. I am God’s Beloved. I am the Essence of God in my human form.”

I need other people’s affirmation for me to become whole.

The second layer of my false ego suggests that I need the love and affirmation of others to achieve wholeness.

In the quiet of my heart, I seek the Creator’s grace to trust that “God alone” is all I truly need because God is the source of my strength and inner guidance. While people enrich my life, they do not define me nor can they complete me. In the feast of life, God is the wedding cake and people are the frosting on the cake.

 I am abandoned by or separated from God.

Finally, I confront the falsehood that I am abandoned by or separated from God.

With divine grace, I remember that God has never forsaken me. Through life’s trials and triumphs, the Creator has remained a steadfast presence, guiding me, and providing for my needs.

To replace this misconception, I declare: “God is with me. God always has been and always will be with me. “

It is our false thinking and feelings that separate us from knowing our True Self and God. We suffer until we root out those falsehoods and rediscover who we are.  

With time and divine grace, we can identify and challenge all of our false beliefs as the Creator leads us to rediscover our true essence. The struggle against our egos will then cease, allowing us to uncover the Higher Self.

When we stop, reflect, identify our false beliefs, and ask God for the grace to humbly remove those shortcomings, we learn how to return to love.

We let go of what no longer serves our Highest Self.  The arm-wrestling with our ego stops.

We discover the pearl of great price: our souls.

Here’s a practice you can adopt to identify and correct the mistaken beliefs you carry within your mind-made, false self:

1. Spend some time in reflection.

Take a moment to reflect on your inner thoughts and beliefs. Identify your top three mistaken perceptions about yourself. Write them down to bring them into conscious awareness.

2. Ask God for the grace to remove your false, mind-made beliefs.

In prayer or meditation, invite divine grace to help you let go of the false beliefs that hinder your growth and self-awareness.

3. Consider a truthful statement to override and correct your false belief.

Reflect on a truthful statement that counters each of your false beliefs. Write down these affirmations of truth.

4. Post your truthful statement in a place where you will see it often.

Place your affirmations in prominent places where you will encounter them frequently, such as on your mirror, desk, or phone wallpaper.

5. Repeat the truth to yourself whenever your false ego creeps back in.

Whenever you notice your false ego resurfacing or your negative beliefs asserting themselves, consciously repeat your affirmations of truth to counteract them.

With God’s grace and your inner work, return to the innocence and truth of who you really are. Trust in the transformative power of divine grace and your commitment to inner work. With persistence and dedication, you can gradually return to the innocence and truth of your authentic self.
By engaging in this practice regularly and with sincerity, you can gradually dismantle the illusions of the false self and align yourself more fully with your inherent truth and goodness.

You can stop arm wrestling with your false self.

—brian j plachta
brianplachta.com

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