Have you ever felt like you have no one you can talk to about your spiritual life—without being judged, fixed, made to feel weird, or brushed off?
Maybe you’re able to make small talk with people, but the moment you want to share something about what’s happening between you and God, the conversation shuts down.
Perhaps you’ve wanted to tell someone:
- I think God spoke to me in prayer, but I’m afraid you’ll think I’m crazy.
- I had a dream that felt holy—and I don’t know how to interpret it.
- I’m in a season of silence. I’m praying but hearing nothing.
If you’ve ever thought, I feel spiritually alone, you’re not strange—and you’re definitely not the only one.
A lot of people have daily social contact, even church involvement, yet they don’t have the close, honest relationships where spiritual journeys can be shared, processed, and carried together.
Here are a few quick stats that help name the epidemic of spiritual loneliness:
- 56% of U.S. Christian adults say their spiritual life is “private” (Barna Group).
- 8% of Americans say they have no close friends, and 53% say they have just 1–4 (Pew Research Center). With that small a circle, relationships often stay on the surface—so deep spiritual talk is harder to come by.
You may have people around you. You may even have a church. But being able to speak about what’s happening in your spiritual life is something many people don’t experience—and quietly long for.
The Quiet Drift
When you don’t have deep spiritual connection, loneliness doesn’t just hurt—it shapes you.
It often sounds like:
- I don’t have anyone I can be honest with about my faith.
- I’m carrying doubts or fears I can’t say out loud.
- I’m surrounded by people, but I’m not really understood.
And one of the hardest parts? Spiritual loneliness can make you feel like you’re weird, like you don’t fit in—like you showed up to life—wearing the wrong team’s jersey.
Spiritual loneliness is sneaky because it usually shows up as drift—a slow, almost unnoticed slide away from focusing on God as we get distracted by other pursuits and escapes. You get tired. You get busy. You keep your inner life private—especially the parts that feel vulnerable.
And over time, the pattern forms:
Loneliness → drift away from God.
You stop reaching out. You stop expecting anyone will understand. You stop believing there’s any safe place to talk about your inner life with God—your questions, your doubts, your experiences, even the moments that felt holy.
So, your questions and experiences stay buried and the loneliness grows. It deepens. Over time, many people either numb the pain of being alone, isolate more, or quietly give up on the spiritual life altogether.
I’m Not Crazy
Several years ago, I went to a weeklong retreat with James Finley, a contemplative teacher and former Trappist monk. There were four hundred of us gathered in a hotel ballroom—an ordinary setting for something most of us rarely experience: a safe place to talk about our spiritual lives.
Finley invited us to speak openly about our spiritual experiences—not theory, not small talk, but the real stuff. One by one, people shared with the group how they were experiencing God.
- One person talked about hearing a word in prayer that felt like it came from God and deeply impacted their life.
- Another person described dreams that carried deep meaning for them—like God was communicating in symbols and metaphors.
- Others named seasons of silence—praying faithfully, yet hearing nothing, and wondering what that meant or what to do about it.
As we shared our spiritual experiences, you could almost hear a sigh of relief rise in the room: I’m not the only one. I’m not alone. I’m not crazy.
At one point, Finley laughed and said, “If we walked out of this room and told people outside what we’re talking about in here, they’d lock us up in a mental hospital.”
Everyone laughed—because it was funny. But it was also painfully true.
It’s sad, but there just aren’t many places where you can speak honestly about your experiences of God. So, most people do what they’ve been trained to do: They keep it private.
And slowly, they start to feel alone in their faith life.
Community and the divineFlow Path
One of the simplest ways to understand what I’ve been calling the “divineFlow” path—the contemplative way of quieting your mind and experiencing God in everyday life—is to see it as a set of lifestyle practices you can integrate into your life in whatever way works best for you.
These doable practices are designed to deepen your relationship with God and help you keep growing into your True Self in God. The Divine Flow “Pillars of Wholeness” offer a simple framework for the spiritual journey—four pillars that work together:
- Quiet Time—Spending time each day unplugging from the world so you can listen to your inner voice: the voice of God’s divine love and guidance within you.
- Spiritual Reading—Reading books or listening to podcasts that inspire you, offer wisdom, and help you grow.
- Community—Surrounding yourself with a small group of people who encourage you, support you, and help you keep growing.
- Spiritual Gifts—Discovering your spiritual gifts and discerning how to use them in your current season of life.
The Cure for Spiritual Loneliness
Quiet Time is the heart of the path—a daily gift you give yourself to step into silence with God, deepen intimacy, and listen with the ears of the heart.
And then we leave our Quiet Time and step into the active parts of our day—work, family, relationships, real life. This is where we live what we’ve received in prayer. As St. Francis described, we’re invited not only to pray, but to become prayer in the world.
That’s why the third pillar of the Divine Flow path is Community—your circle of trust, people who help you stay grounded, honest, and encouraged. God meets us in Quiet Time. God also inspires us, nudges us, and helps us grow through other people.
Community can take several forms. It may include:
- Spiritual Friendship—one or two close friends who share your spiritual journey and encourage each other—where God is the “third person” in the friendship
- A Circle or Small Faith Group—a small group of individuals you meet with regularly to talk about your spiritual life and how it integrates into everyday life
- A Spiritual Director or Mentor you meet with monthly—a safe place to listen for God, name what’s real, and discern next steps over time
The “right” form of community depends on your personality and your season of life. Some people find support best in a small group or circle. Others find it through a one-on-one relationship with a spiritual friend or spiritual mentor.
How to Find Your Tribe
If you’re longing to expand your community, below are three simple tools you can choose from. Pick one (or more) that feels most natural for your personality and the season of your life.
Start Here: Download the free guide, “Who’s in Your Circle of Trust?”
Click Here
This simple inventory helps you notice:
- Who is in your inner circle of trust
- Who may be unsafe or draining
- Who might be missing
After you take the inventory:
- You can pause and give thanks for who’s already in your Circle.
- Be honest about what you long for.
- Pray that God will help you find the people missing from your life.
Get Communal: Explore Divine Flow Circles
If you want a monthly small group to join, Divine Flow Circles are a practical way to build community through shared practice, honest conversation, and a contemplative way of being together.
Learn about Divine Flow Circles by downloading the “Divine Flow Circles Guide.” Click Here
Find a Guide: Consider a Spiritual Director or Mentor
If what you’re longing for is a trusted, trained person to help you notice where God is already present in your life—and where God may be inviting you to grow—a spiritual director or mentor may be the next right step.
A monthly meeting with a spiritual mentor can become a steady anchor—a place where you can:
- Get unstuck in your spiritual life when you feel stalled, foggy, or unsure.
- Work through real-life issues with the lens of your relationship with God.
- Discern where God is inviting you to grow and take the next right step.
Interested in spiritual direction or spiritual mentoring? Reach out to me here: [email protected] or check out the Dominican Spiritual Life Center to find a spiritual director through their website: Dominican Spiritual Life Center.
Life’s a Team Sport
When Jesus began his ministry, one of the first things he did was to form a team, a community. He didn’t do it solo. He surrounded himself with men and women—a close group of people who walked with him, learned from him, and shared life with him.
He taught them, inspired them, and shaped them. They also impacted him. Their love, trust, questions, courage, and actions mattered. They weren’t just an audience. They were companions.
If Jesus chose community as part of his human mission, it makes sense that we’re hardwired the same.
So, if you feel spiritually alone, let that loneliness become a gentle invitation—maybe as a Lenten practice—to take one step toward building your community, your circle of trust.
Links Here
Click the links below for free tools to help you find your Tribe:
1. Download the free guide: “Who’s in Your Circle of Trust?”
Click Here
2. Explore Divine Flow Circles
Learn more about Divine Flow Circles / Join a Circle:
3. Consider a Spiritual Director or Mentor
Interested in spiritual direction or mentoring?
Reach out to learn more here [email protected] or here: Dominican Spiritual Life Center
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, you need one. We all need one.”
—brian plachta, Finding Flow: Spiritual Practices to Reclaim Inner Peace, Balance, and Wholeness
Have a blessed week filled with lots of God-Sightings!
Your friend in the flow,
brian
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Announcing a New Workshop:
Ready to slow down and experience God’s presence within? Join us for Return to the Quiet: A Lenten Path to Experiencing God’s Presence Within , a free 90-minute workshop on Wednesday, February 25th at 7:00 PM Eastern.
Sign up to attend live on Zoom or get the recording if you can’t make it. Your soul will thank you.
Link to register: https://www.findingflowlife.com/return-to-the-quiet-workshop
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If you’re seeking a gentler start to your mornings—one you can carry with you into your day to find more inner peace—I invite you to join DivineFlow Daily, a free short reflection and quote sent to your inbox each day. In under a minute, it’s meant to help you slow down, breathe, and remember what truly gives life before the noise sets in.
Sign up for divineFlow Daily here.
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