I walked into my mom’s room at her assisted living center.
The curtains—usually wide open to let the morning sun in—were pulled tight. The bed was unmade. The room felt dim, like the day had been shut out. Mom sat on the edge of the mattress in her pajamas, shoulders slumped, hands folded in her lap, staring at the floor.
I sat beside her and waited.
After a long silence, she whispered, “My life feels useless. I just sit here waiting—waiting for meals, waiting for mail. I turn on the TV to drown out the quiet. That’s it. I don’t feel like I have any purpose.”
The Quiet Crisis of Feeling Useless
That useless feeling lives in many hearts.
It’s not always spoken out loud. Sometimes it’s a whisper you barely admit to yourself: I’m no longer needed. I have nothing to offer.
Sometimes it doesn’t sound sad—it comes out sharp, like anger: I hate my life. I’m so tired of this.
And it can show up in any season: retirement, grief, a health change, burnout, a job shift, when the kids leave home—or when life gets quieter and you don’t know what to do with the silence.
The ache isn’t just boredom. It’s the sinking feeling your life has lost meaning.
Why This Matters More Than We Think
Having a purpose in life means you experience your days as meaningful—not just in what you do, but in the deeper sense that your life matters. And when that sense of purpose fades, it doesn’t just affect our mood—it changes how we cope.
Here are a few stats that suggest why purpose is more important than we might think:
- Purpose and depression. People with a strong sense of purpose usually experience less depression and anxiety (Journal of Clinical Psychology).
- Purpose and addiction. People with a weaker sense of purpose are more likely to engage in illicit drug use or prescription drug misuse (National Library of Medicine).
- Escapism. When people feel purposeless, escapism usually rises—along with excessive online behaviors like gambling, gaming, and internet overuse (National Library of Medicine).
In street-level terms: When we don’t know why we’re here, we often reach for something to numb the ache.
What Losing Purpose Does to Our Soul
When we lose a sense of purpose, we don’t just feel sad—something in our soul starts to go dim.
We begin to pull back from life. We show up less. We stop reaching out. We start living smaller than we were made to live.
And then the spiritual fallout sets in: We lose touch with our identity as someone beloved by God with something to give. Prayer can feel pointless. God can feel distant. We may not say it out loud, but inside we start to wonder: Does my life even matter to God anymore?
When Purpose Returns
As I sat on the bed next to my mom, I asked her, “Is there anything that brings you joy? Anything that helps you feel more alive?”
She paused. Then she lifted her eyes and said, “I pray the rosary every day. When I pray, I feel close to God. I pray for you kids, for peace, for people who are hurting. I don’t know… maybe it means something.”
“Mom, I think that’s your gift. Intercessory prayer. You’re a prayer warrior.”
Her face softened, like a light turned on inside her.
That week she joined the prayer group at her center. She found friends who shared the same love of prayer.
Her days didn’t suddenly become perfect—but they had a reason again. She wasn’t “just waiting.” She had found a why.
Ikigai: The Gift of Having a Why
In Japan there’s a word: ikigai. It’s often translated as “reason for being” or “reason you wake up in the morning.”
In Okinawa—known for people who live long, healthy lives—many people have a strong sense of purpose: tending a garden, caring for grandchildren, offering wisdom, staying connected. Their lives have a why.
Purpose is not only about what you do. It’s about what you give. And what you give is often tied to your spiritual gifts.
What’s a Spiritual Gift?
A spiritual gift is a grace given by the Holy Spirit to you—an invitation to co-create with God and pour more love into the world. It’s not something you earn; it’s something you receive. It’s one way God has “hard-wired” you to carry love into everyday life.
When you’re living from your gifts, you come alive. You feel more passion. More purpose. Not because life becomes perfect, but because deep within you realize: my life matters. I’m making a difference—maybe not to the whole world, but to people right in front of me.
Some gifts look “important” in the way our culture measures importance. Others are less public: encouragement, mercy, presence, hospitality, prayer, listening, service, wisdom.
They all matter.
Two Kinds of Encouragement
If you’re struggling to find your purpose, a spiritual gifts inventory is one of the best ways to begin. It gives you language for what may already be true about you, and it helps you notice how God has wired you to serve and love during this season of your life.
And if you’ve already been using your gifts, an inventory can be surprisingly encouraging too. You might read through it and think, wow… I’m already doing this. I’m already living from what God has given me. And that moment can become a simple practice of rejoicing—gratitude for what gives you joy and for the good that flows through you.
The Fourth Pillar of Wholeness
In Finding Flow and my upcoming book, Divine Flow: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Contemplation for Everyday Life (releasing in June), I lay out a simple, contemplative lifestyle for quieting the mind and experiencing God in everyday life.
That lifestyle centers around four core pillars—simple practices that help us become more grounded, more whole, and more aware of God’s presence living in and through us.
One of those core pillars (the fourth pillar of the Divine Flow lifestyle) is Spiritual Gifts: learning to recognize the gifts the Holy Spirit has placed in you, and letting those gifts become a channel of love, meaning, and purpose in the world.
Tools for Your Spiritual Toolbox
Here are two simple tools you can use to strengthen the Spiritual Gifts pillar of wholeness in your life, and discern how the Holy Spirit may be leading you in this season:
- Spiritual Gifts Inventory: Use the inventory to discover (or confirm) the gifts God has placed in you. Click here to download it.
- Halftime video: navigating seasons of transitionI created a short video for those “halftime” seasons—when life is shifting and you’re discerning what’s next. It can help you listen for where the Holy Spirit may be leading. Click here to watch the video.
Living with Purpose and Passion
Saint Irenaeus said, “The glory of God is the human person fully alive.” That’s not a pressure-filled statement—it’s an invitation.
You were not created to merely get through the day, numb the ache, or fade into the background. You were created to come alive in God and to let that aliveness be a blessing to others.
If, as you reflect, you realize you’re already living from your gifts, let that fill you with gratitude—lift your life up to God with joy in your heart and say thank you for the ways your life is already pouring love into the world.
If you’re in a season where your purpose feels thin, let this be a gentle reminder: your gifts are still in you, and God is still at work. The path back isn’t about proving yourself—it’s about returning to what makes you come fully alive.
May your week be filled with lots of God Sightings and God-Nudges.
Your friend in the flow,
brian
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Announcing a New Workshop:
Ready to slow down and experience God’s presence within? Join us for Return to the Quiet: A Lenten Path to Experiencing God’s Presence Within , a free 90-minute workshop on Wednesday, February 25th at 7:00 PM Eastern.
Sign up to attend live on Zoom or get the recording if you can’t make it. Your soul will thank you.
Link to register: https://www.findingflowlife.com/return-to-the-quiet-workshop
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If you’re seeking a gentler start to your mornings—one you can carry with you into your day to find more inner peace—I invite you to join DivineFlow Daily, a free short reflection and quote sent to your inbox each day. In under a minute, it’s meant to help you slow down, breathe, and remember what truly gives life before the noise sets in.
Sign up for divineFlow Daily here.
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