How to Let Suffering Become a Wise Teacher

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Reflections

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Posted On June 30, 2024

I watched “The Chosen,” the other night. In the last scene of series four, episode three, a Roman soldier drives his sword through the heart of young bride-to-be. As this gentle woman lies dead on the ground, the disciples ask Jesus to bring her back to life.

His eyes filled with compassion, Jesus looks at his disciples and responds, “Her time has not come.” He does not raise her lifeless body.

As the scene ended, I dove my face into my hands. A wave of tears shook my body with grief and disbelief. Gazing outside my window towards the sky, I asked God, “Really? Really? Why didn’t you heal her?” Then I shook my head in frustration. “Why do you permit suffering? Why don’t you heal us?”

Knowing the scene would shake viewers, the producers explained why they included this dramatic ending.

God allows suffering, they explained. It’s a fact of life we need to accept. God doesn’t cause suffering, humans do. But neither does God stop human suffering. Instead, he walks with us in our pain. With divine compassion, he lets suffering become our teacher.

Like a good parent who doesn’t helicopter over their children and fix everything for them, God lets us learn from our mistakes. Through the process, we gain wisdom. We learn how to love.

The producers’ answers made good intellectual sense. But I resisted it. I needed time to let it sink in, to accept its harsh reality. I needed time to ponder and listen.

I went outside onto my back porch. As the stars lit up the night sky, I lamented. I complained.

“Why don’t you fix the evil in the world?” I asked God as I stared up at the stars. “Why do you allow us to continue to suffer from our mistakes and from the mistakes of others who inflict pain on us?

“I don’t like that my dad died from cancer when I was sixteen,” I told God. “I don’t like that my father-in-law died of a sudden heart attack, leaving my wife as my mother-in-law’s primary caregiver.

“I don’t like suffering. It stinks.”

After I’d vented my frustration to God, I sat down and listened. Then I listened some more.

Here’s what I heard God whisper in the stillness of that night:

God is not a Pinocchio God. The Creator does not pull life’s puppet strings and make everything right when life sucker punches us or we screw up. Sometimes we need the screw ups to grow, to learn wisdom, to figure out who we are and what life is teaching us.

My father died of cancer when I was sixteen because Dad smoked Camel unfiltered cigarettes for most of his adult life. God didn’t cause my dad to have cancer. My dad caused it.

But God used my pain of growing up without a father to draw me into a deeper relationship with the heavenly father. God fathered me, and continues to father me, even when I became fatherless.

God did not cause my father-in-law to die of a heart attack. My father-in-law lived a good but difficult life caring for my mother-in-law as dementia took over her aging mind. He smoked cigars and drank whiskey. He loved to eat steak, feast on chocolate donuts, and munch on snack foods even though his doctors told him his lifestyle wasn’t healthy.

After years of caring for his wife, God let his faithful servant die peacefully sitting in his favorite backyard chair while the birds sang heavenly songs.

Now my wife and my brother-in-law are learning unconditional love as they pick up the pieces of their grief and take over the role of caregivers. They’re gaining wisdom. They’re learning patience. Acceptance. They’re becoming the good and faithful servants my father-in-law modeled for them.

My wife is even able to joke as she returns from an exhausting day of caring for her mom, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

As I sat on my back porch and pondered all of this, I was honest with God.

I wish it were different. I wish God would come down and fix it all. But God allows suffering, plain and simple, and I need to accept that fact.

I need not be mad at God. I need not fully understand why God allows suffering.

What I need to do, and continue to do, is listen and learn how suffering teaches me to grow into the truth of who I am. I need to let life continue helping me learn to be love and give love unconditionally.

God let his son Jesus suffer and die on the cross. The Father could have changed everything back then. He could have fixed it all like a helicopter parent. Instead, God used his son’s story to show us how to love unconditionally. He used the resurrection and Pentecost to place the Holy Spirit in our hearts so we might hear the Inner Voice of Love guide us, affirm us, and show us how to live our best lives.

God has given us free will. We get to choose how we want to live. If we listen and learn, we will realize that every suffering has a resurrection. We will learn the hidden messages of wisdom contained within our pain and struggles. We will let suffering become our teacher.

The suffering might not change the outside circumstances. But on the inside–within our hearts– we become fully alive. Transformed. We find God walking alongside us, offering divine compassion and wisdom.

This week, and any time you encounter pain or suffering—physical or emotional—ask yourself, “What is this suffering teaching me? How am I being invited to grow?”

Let your suffering become a wise teacher.

—brian j plachta
brianplachta.com

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Written by Brian J. Plachta

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A conversation that stays with us. A door that closes. A quiet nudge we can’t quite explain. An unexpected invitation that seems to come at just the right time.

The challenge is learning to notice these moments before we have any idea where they’re leading, and trusting the next step.

Over time, we may begin to see that God’s guidance doesn’t always come as an answer. Sometimes, it comes as a trail.

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Has silence ever made you feel like God is far away? When we feel this way, it’s easy to start looking for answers or waiting for a clear sign. But prayer can also be as simple as slowing down and noticing what’s already here. The breeze. The waves. Your breath. The quiet. God’s presence doesn’t always come through words. Sometimes we just need to be still enough to notice.

Let God Alone Define You

Ever have someone’s words get stuck in your head?
Maybe they criticized you, misunderstood you, or told a story about you that doesn’t feel true. And before long, you’re holding a courtroom in your mind—defending yourself, replaying the conversation, wondering if maybe they’re right.

There’s another way.

Bring it into the quiet with God.

Ask: Is there something here I need to learn? Is there something I need to own? And what was never mine to carry in the first place?

We can stay humble enough to receive the truth without letting someone else’s opinion become our identity.

Because in the end, God alone defines you.

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