Difficult People—Our Teachers

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Reflections

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Posted On November 20, 2016

We all have them in our lives—people with a black cloud swirling around them, whirling dervishes trying to control the world and us. People who live in glass houses throwing stones at others while refusing to do their own inner work. People who think they’re right and the world would be much better off if everyone saw things as they did. People who demand you return their phone calls and texts immediately, but never seem to find the time to return yours. Difficult People.

Difficult people are challenging. They frustrate us. They can make our lives miserable.

So what can we do when we encounter difficult people? What choices do we have?

Internalize. We can internalize their harsh words and anger, and blame ourselves for the problems they are finger-pointing at us.
Confront. We can confront them, try and change their behavior, try and help them see how they’re pushing others away, hoping they will see the light.
Walk away. We can distance ourselves from them. Leave them alone to sit in their own mess.
Love. We can choose to love them, and ourselves unconditionally. Give them time and space for God to work in their lives. We can let them become our teachers, teaching us the power of unconditional love.

The last option is often the hardest. It’s the Christ-path, the path of the prodigal father. It requires us to sit on our front porch in our rocking chairs waiting patiently, hoping, praying, trusting that time will teach us wisdom, trusting that eventually the difficult people in our lives will come home, home to their true self.

Sitting on the front porch waiting, keeping our mouth shut, choosing to love ourselves and the difficult people in our life is hard work. It’s easier to lash out, attack, and push difficult people away. But, when we choose to love in the face of those who are un-loving toward us, we find an inner freedom. We discover a strength we may not have realized was within us.

Our hearts connect with the heart of God.

—brian j plachta

Written by Brian J. Plachta

Following the Breadcrumbs God Leaves Along Our Path

What if God is speaking through ordinary moments more often than we realize?

A conversation that stays with us. A door that closes. A quiet nudge we can’t quite explain. An unexpected invitation that seems to come at just the right time.

The challenge is learning to notice these moments before we have any idea where they’re leading, and trusting the next step.

Over time, we may begin to see that God’s guidance doesn’t always come as an answer. Sometimes, it comes as a trail.

What to Do When God Seems Silent

Has silence ever made you feel like God is far away? When we feel this way, it’s easy to start looking for answers or waiting for a clear sign. But prayer can also be as simple as slowing down and noticing what’s already here. The breeze. The waves. Your breath. The quiet. God’s presence doesn’t always come through words. Sometimes we just need to be still enough to notice.

Let God Alone Define You

Ever have someone’s words get stuck in your head?
Maybe they criticized you, misunderstood you, or told a story about you that doesn’t feel true. And before long, you’re holding a courtroom in your mind—defending yourself, replaying the conversation, wondering if maybe they’re right.

There’s another way.

Bring it into the quiet with God.

Ask: Is there something here I need to learn? Is there something I need to own? And what was never mine to carry in the first place?

We can stay humble enough to receive the truth without letting someone else’s opinion become our identity.

Because in the end, God alone defines you.

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